Insanity

When I start making notes on a new story line, end up making all kinds of lists. Character names, characteristics, backstories, plot... these are all very normal things. Then there are the more bizarre lists—like the one that details the things I intend to research.


 


Today I was typing up several pages of hand written notes, which is a nightmare in of itself. I have the worst penmanship and I often have a hard time deciphering my own handwriting. As if the headache inducing scribble wasn't bad enough, when I copy these notes, I actually have to think about what I hastily scribbled on the page. This is the unsettling part of the process because I’m forced to think about how my mind works.





While I realize that a story may take me anywhere, this particular list is a little out there even for me. Right now, my WIP has me deep in the mind of a psychotic killer. This killer is seriously scary and more than a little crazy and as I look through the list of things I want to know, I briefly wonder if I, too, might be crazy.





I mean, it isn't exactly normal to want to know how temperature or dehydration effects blood flow or what motivates someone to mutilate a victim. Why do I want to write a story like that? It’s just insane. But honestly, writing it serves a purpose. It is more than just a thrill or a way to get the blood pumping; it is a way to face things that I wish I had the power to change. It is an outlet for anger and pain—a way to fight off the madness that lives inside us all.